Well lets try and talk about the thing we all do but don't talk about or say that we do. Hmmmm. You got the parts right? And you never tried it? LIAR. During the teen years I bet there wasn't a time alone when the hands did a little walk around the nether regions for some self support and soothing from that days frustrations.
Lets talk first about the ways we say masturbation. Here we go.
Spank the monkey
Floggin' the dolphin
Playing the slot machine
Shucking the corn
Jerkin the gherkin
Whack a mole
Choking the chicken
Slapping the salami
Pocket Pool
Beat your meat
Whack off
Rub one out
Self texting
Making pants Jam
I can go on and on and on. If you look online you can find a slew of euphemisms for polishing the pawn. And a side note. It is interesting we make the association to food and animals though.
So like I mentioned before people do it in their teens as a soothing measure to help them through their awkwardness and the exploding hormones. It has the same effect when a toddler too. Reports of girls riding the rails of their crib for pleasure were associated with a disruptive home life. So the doctors associate giving self pleasure with soothing ones self. Or the craving for affection or touch or the only way a teenager can turn around his/her day from the daily pressures or fluctuating hormones.
So then we grow up and we find out about battery powered toys for women and flesh-lights for men. Taking the masturbation to another level. Then you might even discover you can have more than one orgasm for men and there is that mystical unicorn they call a g-spot in women. And their friends weren't boasting about having multiple orgasms. And doctors on tv or radio discuss things like partner masturbation. Hell there is an actual International masturbation day. Who knew? Oh yeah I did. LoL.
Then you get to a place in your life where you look at what you have been doing lately and discover not only are you having sex with a partner but you have been stroking the bishop in your spare time? What the heck? Another increase in hormones?
No it is just the case of having sex with your partner and maybe your daily pressures of life has you self soothing yourself. Everyone goes through it and your not alone.
Ok and now this is the part I hate. The religious point of view of polishing the knob. Well in the scripture, I was recently told, these morons write that spilling the seed is immoral and a sin. Well I never believed much in the bible. And I accept all faiths. But that part just doesn't make sense. To give one pleasure is a sin? Guess they were a bunch of sheep herders and they had their flock to keep them warm if ya know what I'm saying. But to say you can't soothe the staff by yourself without it being a sin that you have to confess to the church dude is ridiculous. Maybe they priest should have choked the chicken more. Then the alter boys at some churches would be safe from a greater sin.
In the culture of sex and sexuality it is now more excepted in the western culture to do it. For one reason or another it is okay. If anyone tells you it isn't they need to try it once for themselves and then make the judgment.
So why did I write about this topic in the first place. Well I was asked to write it by a reader of the blog. I hope it lives up to her expectations.
Last thing I have to say that if you don't know how to pleasure yourself then how do you expect someone else to pleasure you.
Ciao for Now
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Porn! Now I Got Your Attention
So porn is everywhere and anywhere you want to get it. From the standard video tape or DVD to the internet on your computer,or if you have more urges than others, your cell phone is just as handy.
So how much is too much? Or is there never enough?
It's everywhere clearly. We buy and sell products based on sex and sexuality. Like ya don't know that one.
Lets look at that. Would you buy AXE body spray if an average guy on the commercials wasn't being mobbed by hot women? Or would you buy the perfume if you could get the hunky half dressed man like in the magazines? And why do they always look so tired in those pictures? Lying on each other or on horses lying down on them. Or even lying on the sand. That just makes me itchy looking at the picture.
Would the same sales technique work for products like Coke or Hershey's? Like imagine a couple is rolling around on the beach in the surf and you see a close up of them kissing and he reaches up and drinks a coke. Sexy? Yeah... no.
So I guess the question then comes down to, does sex define you? Who you are and what you buy and every aspect of your life? Do we see so much sexuality and images in our day to day lifestyle that sex becomes harder. Like trying to live up to the fantasies made up in your own mind or by media.
My final question is, if sex is already complicated now how will our kids feel when newer and crazier influences will be front and center in their lives. Will it be too much pressure on them to be the perfect lovers?
Ok you let me know when you can solve some of these pressing questions. And I will do the same for you.
Ciao for Now
So how much is too much? Or is there never enough?
It's everywhere clearly. We buy and sell products based on sex and sexuality. Like ya don't know that one.
Lets look at that. Would you buy AXE body spray if an average guy on the commercials wasn't being mobbed by hot women? Or would you buy the perfume if you could get the hunky half dressed man like in the magazines? And why do they always look so tired in those pictures? Lying on each other or on horses lying down on them. Or even lying on the sand. That just makes me itchy looking at the picture.
Would the same sales technique work for products like Coke or Hershey's? Like imagine a couple is rolling around on the beach in the surf and you see a close up of them kissing and he reaches up and drinks a coke. Sexy? Yeah... no.
So I guess the question then comes down to, does sex define you? Who you are and what you buy and every aspect of your life? Do we see so much sexuality and images in our day to day lifestyle that sex becomes harder. Like trying to live up to the fantasies made up in your own mind or by media.
My final question is, if sex is already complicated now how will our kids feel when newer and crazier influences will be front and center in their lives. Will it be too much pressure on them to be the perfect lovers?
Ok you let me know when you can solve some of these pressing questions. And I will do the same for you.
Ciao for Now
Monday, July 19, 2010
Stampede is Over Time to Blog
So the craziness of the Stampede is over for another year. All the lights on the rides have been turned off. The cowboy hats and boots put away for another year. And the mini donuts and beer are turning into a memory.
So what does this all mean for the average joe working day to day in this city of Stampede sin?
Well it's time to wrap up any business. Which means dealing with what happened at Ranchman's that night with that certain Stampede fling. Or not. Figuring out how to detox your body to adjust back into the work schedule of daily life. Trying to deal with the fact that debauchery and beer is done for yet another year.
Let's talk about the Stampede fling for a moment. Divorce lawyers love the Stampede. It has a huge impact on their business level within a month of Stampede finishing. Either because he/she has been caught in some incriminating photo that can't be explained. Or a text is found that seems very inappropriate. Or the fling turns out to be more and continues on to become a serious affair. Ultimately it ends the same way and off to the lawyers you go. On to the next oil bunny who wants to land a man that can take care of her.
If the Stampede can create so much sin why aren't the churches protesting it like PETA or Humane society does? Are they a part of the secret society of the Stampede and get more followers after the park has closed? Flooding their pews to be absolved of the sin that they had brought upon themselves? In hopes that if they make peace with it that it never happened? Or is there a bigger plot there?
Let's look at that for a moment. Gambling is a sin according to the local bishop here and he has been very vocal about the fact that a school can't even have a Bingo to raise money for their school. Yet when this yearly event comes along he doesn't say anything. Does he go on vacation and in his mind it's outta sight and outta mind so it really didn't happen? Or is he a part of a bigger plot against his own flock? Maybe a local large donation by an unknown donor that makes it's way into the churches coffers? The bishop knows there are a few things that happen during Stampede. Drinking,adultery,gambling,and coveting thy neighbors wife. Like how I pulled that one out of my hat? So that means looking at the ladies in a lewd and sexual mindset. So why hasn't he said anything against all the sin?
Am I against the Stampede? No. If people could enjoy the events that surround the biggest outdoor show on earth and not succumb to their desires and fall into the drunken, horny, people ogling idiots, we could have an event that makes everyone proud to be a part of. But it usually turns into the den of sin we all know and love to be a part of because it brings so many crazy stories. And yes there will be stories. Human nature can't help itself and the need to share with the co workers what they had seen at the company party takes over and for weeks the rumors fly around about the people who had messed around that night or the person who got so drunk they couldn't stand and eventually puked on their bosses shoes.
Don't get me wrong I enjoy the Stampede events and think it can be a great time for a single man/woman or family that is looking for some fun in the city. Great pancake breakfasts and music that everyone can enjoy. Stampede rides and rodeo events that test the metal of cowboys/cowgirls. All great fun.
So in closing I guess what I am saying is if we take the time to think before we act then the sins of the Stampede won't happen. We take the time to think that I really shouldn't drink another beer. I shouldn't try and dance with that person looking at me. Or I shouldn't put my tongue down this persons throat because we just met and I have a significant other. The gambling I can understand. Sorry Bishop Henry tough sell there to a non catholic. But the mind get s fuzzy as time goes by through the year. And as the next years Stampede gets closer the thoughts of what could happen at the next ten days of debauchery start to dance in their head like it's Christmas in July. And the cycle repeats itself. Because after all were human and temptation is hard to turn down when you have ten Bud in your gut and she has been eying your big buckle all night. Just like in the "Lion King", it's the circle of life.
Ciao for now
So what does this all mean for the average joe working day to day in this city of Stampede sin?
Well it's time to wrap up any business. Which means dealing with what happened at Ranchman's that night with that certain Stampede fling. Or not. Figuring out how to detox your body to adjust back into the work schedule of daily life. Trying to deal with the fact that debauchery and beer is done for yet another year.
Let's talk about the Stampede fling for a moment. Divorce lawyers love the Stampede. It has a huge impact on their business level within a month of Stampede finishing. Either because he/she has been caught in some incriminating photo that can't be explained. Or a text is found that seems very inappropriate. Or the fling turns out to be more and continues on to become a serious affair. Ultimately it ends the same way and off to the lawyers you go. On to the next oil bunny who wants to land a man that can take care of her.
If the Stampede can create so much sin why aren't the churches protesting it like PETA or Humane society does? Are they a part of the secret society of the Stampede and get more followers after the park has closed? Flooding their pews to be absolved of the sin that they had brought upon themselves? In hopes that if they make peace with it that it never happened? Or is there a bigger plot there?
Let's look at that for a moment. Gambling is a sin according to the local bishop here and he has been very vocal about the fact that a school can't even have a Bingo to raise money for their school. Yet when this yearly event comes along he doesn't say anything. Does he go on vacation and in his mind it's outta sight and outta mind so it really didn't happen? Or is he a part of a bigger plot against his own flock? Maybe a local large donation by an unknown donor that makes it's way into the churches coffers? The bishop knows there are a few things that happen during Stampede. Drinking,adultery,gambling,and coveting thy neighbors wife. Like how I pulled that one out of my hat? So that means looking at the ladies in a lewd and sexual mindset. So why hasn't he said anything against all the sin?
Am I against the Stampede? No. If people could enjoy the events that surround the biggest outdoor show on earth and not succumb to their desires and fall into the drunken, horny, people ogling idiots, we could have an event that makes everyone proud to be a part of. But it usually turns into the den of sin we all know and love to be a part of because it brings so many crazy stories. And yes there will be stories. Human nature can't help itself and the need to share with the co workers what they had seen at the company party takes over and for weeks the rumors fly around about the people who had messed around that night or the person who got so drunk they couldn't stand and eventually puked on their bosses shoes.
Don't get me wrong I enjoy the Stampede events and think it can be a great time for a single man/woman or family that is looking for some fun in the city. Great pancake breakfasts and music that everyone can enjoy. Stampede rides and rodeo events that test the metal of cowboys/cowgirls. All great fun.
So in closing I guess what I am saying is if we take the time to think before we act then the sins of the Stampede won't happen. We take the time to think that I really shouldn't drink another beer. I shouldn't try and dance with that person looking at me. Or I shouldn't put my tongue down this persons throat because we just met and I have a significant other. The gambling I can understand. Sorry Bishop Henry tough sell there to a non catholic. But the mind get s fuzzy as time goes by through the year. And as the next years Stampede gets closer the thoughts of what could happen at the next ten days of debauchery start to dance in their head like it's Christmas in July. And the cycle repeats itself. Because after all were human and temptation is hard to turn down when you have ten Bud in your gut and she has been eying your big buckle all night. Just like in the "Lion King", it's the circle of life.
Ciao for now
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Old Flings are New Again
This is an interesting question that was brought up last week. Can old flings or girl/boy friends come around again and things work out the second time around? Well I guess we should take a look at my example of my old girlfriend and see what we can make of this query.
So as I wrote before everything with my old girlfriend got messed up and complicated and we broke up. But ever since we have been good friends and always had a bond there.The question then arises. Could the second time around then be better?
Well like any relationship you think about it a lot. And if one fails you think about how did it go so wrong and was any of it your fault. Of course these thoughts went through my head when om relationship fell apart with my old girlfriend. You think what did I do or didn't do. Was I paying enough attention to her or not enough. Did I put in the effort that was needed to keep it new and fresh. And maybe the biggest question of all is "Was she the one?".
Of course there is the other side of the coin as well. What happened? Why did she not do this or that? If I have to leave the seat down why can't you leave the seat up? Or look before you sit.Or maybe did she pay enough attention to me or too much and was smothering.
Of course all good questions and now whats the right answer? Well I think that with time comes the answers for every question. You think and rethink about what happened and it has to be better the second time around. As long as you have the right mindset to try and do it right the second time around. Or if you have the maturity to understand what it is that you need to do to make it work this time round.
So now that's as clear as mud. Right? Let us recap.
No if you don't have the maturity or the knowledge of what went wrong in the first place.
Yes if you learned from it and do want it to work so bad you have aches deep down in your heart. You know what needs to be done this time and will work at it harder.
So you see the answer lies with you and how much work and dedication you are willing to put into it. If your not wiling to put everything into it you have then don't waste her or your time.
I guess that's all for friendly advice.
Ciao for now
So as I wrote before everything with my old girlfriend got messed up and complicated and we broke up. But ever since we have been good friends and always had a bond there.The question then arises. Could the second time around then be better?
Well like any relationship you think about it a lot. And if one fails you think about how did it go so wrong and was any of it your fault. Of course these thoughts went through my head when om relationship fell apart with my old girlfriend. You think what did I do or didn't do. Was I paying enough attention to her or not enough. Did I put in the effort that was needed to keep it new and fresh. And maybe the biggest question of all is "Was she the one?".
Of course there is the other side of the coin as well. What happened? Why did she not do this or that? If I have to leave the seat down why can't you leave the seat up? Or look before you sit.Or maybe did she pay enough attention to me or too much and was smothering.
Of course all good questions and now whats the right answer? Well I think that with time comes the answers for every question. You think and rethink about what happened and it has to be better the second time around. As long as you have the right mindset to try and do it right the second time around. Or if you have the maturity to understand what it is that you need to do to make it work this time round.
So now that's as clear as mud. Right? Let us recap.
No if you don't have the maturity or the knowledge of what went wrong in the first place.
Yes if you learned from it and do want it to work so bad you have aches deep down in your heart. You know what needs to be done this time and will work at it harder.
So you see the answer lies with you and how much work and dedication you are willing to put into it. If your not wiling to put everything into it you have then don't waste her or your time.
I guess that's all for friendly advice.
Ciao for now
Friday, July 2, 2010
It's Your Say!
I have been deciding lately what People want to hear. There has been issues with some that say I shouldn't be candid and diary like in the blogs. Some say the posts are personal and they feel uncomfortable reading the blog.
What do you think? I want to know how the past posts make you feel and does it help to communicate these collection of thoughts?
Do you have anything in particular that you would like to read about if you don't want to read personal topics?
This is supposed to be a helpful blog and one of sharing experiences with each other and maybe it can help someone out there that may be going through anything similar that I have written about in the past.
It is hard to decide if this blog is helping people or not. That's why I am asking for your help. Should I just abandon this blog all together and try something else?
Make a comment and tell me what you think.
Ciao for now
What do you think? I want to know how the past posts make you feel and does it help to communicate these collection of thoughts?
Do you have anything in particular that you would like to read about if you don't want to read personal topics?
This is supposed to be a helpful blog and one of sharing experiences with each other and maybe it can help someone out there that may be going through anything similar that I have written about in the past.
It is hard to decide if this blog is helping people or not. That's why I am asking for your help. Should I just abandon this blog all together and try something else?
Make a comment and tell me what you think.
Ciao for now
Sunday, June 27, 2010
I Took a Break to Think!
So the question has arisen about how brutally honest I have been on the blog and that it seems that I am not over a bunch of issues that I have written about. Well I have taken a bit of time and thought about that very hard for a few days.
Well one the one hand if I am totally honest about my experiences then someone else can learn about what I went through and maybe learn something from it. Then you the reader can also comment on it and then it becomes a sharing experience that more points of view can completely make sense of it. Does that sound confusing? It does when I write it. But some how makes logical sense to do it. It's almost like an idiots guide of what not to do or do in life. Take it in and learn from it.
Then there is the other side of the page where you shouldn't write about such things for it may come back to bite me in the ass. Things about relationships and betrayal and everything else is deeply personal and then people won't look at me the same way and feel sorry for me that I have had a rough year or week.
And then there is the shock value about the subjects I write about as well. Some people made comments that what they read makes them feel uncomfortable and that it's like reading a diary. Well yes it is. This is a sharing diary that we all can participate in. And yes some of the subjects are very personal and are raw. But if we can't talk about it then how do we learn from it?
I guess it all comes down to your comfort level and what you are willing to read or share to help others to experience the life lessons we all go through. If you can watch the Bachelorette or Big Brother on tv which is very voyeuristic then you should be able to read this blog and hopefully take something positive away from it.
Ciao for now
Well one the one hand if I am totally honest about my experiences then someone else can learn about what I went through and maybe learn something from it. Then you the reader can also comment on it and then it becomes a sharing experience that more points of view can completely make sense of it. Does that sound confusing? It does when I write it. But some how makes logical sense to do it. It's almost like an idiots guide of what not to do or do in life. Take it in and learn from it.
Then there is the other side of the page where you shouldn't write about such things for it may come back to bite me in the ass. Things about relationships and betrayal and everything else is deeply personal and then people won't look at me the same way and feel sorry for me that I have had a rough year or week.
And then there is the shock value about the subjects I write about as well. Some people made comments that what they read makes them feel uncomfortable and that it's like reading a diary. Well yes it is. This is a sharing diary that we all can participate in. And yes some of the subjects are very personal and are raw. But if we can't talk about it then how do we learn from it?
I guess it all comes down to your comfort level and what you are willing to read or share to help others to experience the life lessons we all go through. If you can watch the Bachelorette or Big Brother on tv which is very voyeuristic then you should be able to read this blog and hopefully take something positive away from it.
Ciao for now
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Not so Deep Thoughts
I have been single for a while now and thinking to myself the reason why this would be. The answer hasn't come clear to me just yet. I have come to terms with my separation and eventual legal divorce.For an example, if I was still bitter or hurt I would have used all the proper names of the people involved within my last blog. I am over it so lets move on.
Some of the women I know well tell me I am a good looking guy with a fun attitude. That's nice to hear for sure and keep the comments coming because my ego needs it. Not.
And I have some financial stability and getting better every day. This of course is not a big deal for some women because they can look past this bump in the road.
So I guess I am asking why am I single and looking on Plenty of Fish to see what is out there for my options?
Could be because I am competitive. My ex has a guy and I don't have a woman in my life yet.
Could be because I haven't gone to the right website or laundromat and worked my magic with women.
It's not like I am not looking, but some of the alternatives to minimum standards are, not to be rude but I have to, quite sub par. For example it would be nice to meet someone with a full set of teeth instead of them looking like they play goalie for a 1950's hockey team. Another example is when her age doesn't fit mathematically with the age of their first born. And she has six kids.
Can you have such a thing as looking too hard? Are women my age still looking for the bad boy? Are there so many questions around this that one answer just won't fit?
Or has it come down to a singular statement that has been turned into a major film? "She's just not that into you!"
My guess is that the joke about love or on the hunt for love is it's there to have just stop searching and trying too hard and it will come to you if you project to the universe.
Make a list of attributes you require of a significant other. Then as your traveling through out your day re affirm what you have learned and are portraying a significant energy to the heavens and it should come clear what to do.
Ok that's all I got for now.
Bed time.
Ciao for now.
Some of the women I know well tell me I am a good looking guy with a fun attitude. That's nice to hear for sure and keep the comments coming because my ego needs it. Not.
And I have some financial stability and getting better every day. This of course is not a big deal for some women because they can look past this bump in the road.
So I guess I am asking why am I single and looking on Plenty of Fish to see what is out there for my options?
Could be because I am competitive. My ex has a guy and I don't have a woman in my life yet.
Could be because I haven't gone to the right website or laundromat and worked my magic with women.
It's not like I am not looking, but some of the alternatives to minimum standards are, not to be rude but I have to, quite sub par. For example it would be nice to meet someone with a full set of teeth instead of them looking like they play goalie for a 1950's hockey team. Another example is when her age doesn't fit mathematically with the age of their first born. And she has six kids.
Can you have such a thing as looking too hard? Are women my age still looking for the bad boy? Are there so many questions around this that one answer just won't fit?
Or has it come down to a singular statement that has been turned into a major film? "She's just not that into you!"
My guess is that the joke about love or on the hunt for love is it's there to have just stop searching and trying too hard and it will come to you if you project to the universe.
Make a list of attributes you require of a significant other. Then as your traveling through out your day re affirm what you have learned and are portraying a significant energy to the heavens and it should come clear what to do.
Ok that's all I got for now.
Bed time.
Ciao for now.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Unedited story of my seperation !
This has been the hardest story to tell to date. To reveal the ugly truth of what happened to me to get divorced. I sort of feel like I am at a party and a bunch of divorced people are all around trying to top the absolute worst story of how it happened. That has happened to me by the way.And I have no idea why we have a competitive nature about a subject that hurts so much.
So it was last year in January when my ex was working full time as a manager at a local restaurant. She helped open it shortly before and I expected some weird hours.Well there was that indeed and a lot of working at the computer at home and texting going on. I didn't pay much attention to this as I was getting up for work at 4 am and then taking care of the kids when I got home at noon. That's when she would go to work. And then I would put the kids down around 7:30pm. Yup long days.
One day my ex comes home and says she talked to her boss and requested to go to part time without discussing this with me or how that would effect the home income. Yup she did. And later to find out this was to accommodate some cheating hours which she would lie and say she was running errands.
Then the opportunity to do a business trip to Barbados for a week came up and I had to go. And this was in first part of April. And without any argument from her. And no that wouldn't leave her with the kids all that time. A few years previous I agreed to let her ,out of work and money and no ambition to get either, mother move into the basement for free. Yes I'm bitter about that one.
So during that time I was away I later found out she spent a large amount of time with the man, who I was to later find out, was the love of her life. So let's get a good look at this guy. He is a pasty white skinned guy around the same age as me with red hair and glasses. Skinny build and cheesy mustache. Like he is just growing it for the first time. His likes are BBW's, S&M, BDSM, TV/TG/GM, and 27/7 domination. He also likes large rubbery cylindrical ribbed objects inserted in his bottom area while being dominated. Or having it done the old fashioned way by a man while she watched. That's real sharing. If any of these terms are confusing they can be found by just googling the terms. And as for the description of the guy well I got a good look at him in the masturbation video he sent to her. But I am getting ahead of the story.
When I returned she sat me down and said to me that we should take some time alone and live separately and work on our relationship. Cowardly way to say that she has no intention of working on anything and I need to get my crap out and go away.
So I found a place to live for the short term so we can work on us and get to know who we are as individuals, blah, blah,blah, lie ,lie, lie. During this time I had taken the kids every second weekend and on Wednesdays for supper. Plus phone calls and everything.
During one of my visits I had to get a file from the lap top at home. TA DA. The MSN account was open and the email was there. I didn't think of fishing through it until I saw the title of one email called Yes Mistress Kazza. Yup I just said Mistress. That's when I started to fish through the computer to find that she put an ad in Kijiji as a single mother of two looking for fun in January of that year. Then as I went through I found all the emails of men who responded and the pics she sent them. Non nude and then when she warmed up to them they were nude shots. Then the string of emails from this sub who was into objects or persons entering his exit. This included pictures,videos,and letters explaining what the "little bitch" was supposed to do that weekend or he would get s whipping. BTW these are all factual as I still have all the emails, pictures, and videos they sent to each other just in case I might need it later as proof in court.
So this continued for a few months and a trip out to the coast to see him. Which she told me was to see her sister. Then she moved on I later found out to the love of her life #2. Who was just into screwing her and not be seen in public with her. Probably for fear of his wife catching him. Which I heard actually did happen.
Then move into late August and into September. We had been talking about reconciliation and so I decided to take her on a date to the Zoo gala. Great night with a fabulous array of booths for all the taste buds. We had a good time and went home. When we got there she took the dog for a walk while I checked on the kids. When I came down stairs her cell buzzed and lit up as I walked past it. There was a text. From a guy. So I investigated. Earlier in the evening she went to the bathroom and texted Love #2 and asked him "are you horny". And there is where the texting started for that night. I proceeded to drop the phone and walk out. I got into my car and drove off to the place where i was staying. She texted me and joked if I was taking the garbage for a drive(I didn't get the joke either). That's when I texted back "You know what you did". That was the end of the conversation for that evening.
From there on out it had been a constant battle not to do anything physical to her because of the depth of her lies and betrayal. It helped me lose 20lbs in about a month. And I am sure a few more grey hairs.
So from the time I moved out til the official sale of the house I was giving her $2000 a month for the expenses and the kids. Plus her pay. I lived off of $800. That took care of $450 rent. $100 gas. $150 food. Blah,Blah,Blah. She on the other hand managed to rack up all the credit cards and spent $10.5K in two months. And she wasn't paying any bills on time or would send them half. This in turn damaged my credit so bad the bank won't even give me a $500 credit card even though I have now $18K in the same damn bank.
During this time she got my permission to take the kids to Waterloo Ontario to live with the love of her life #3. This was a tough decision for me. But the facts are I don't have family here. They are in Ontario. She would have his family there to help out.The cost of living and public school system is great there. And it's a really nice part of Ontario. I get them for a couple times a year for a weeks stay.
We are now divorced. Or as close as it can be. Just need to have the judge rubber stamp the thing.
That's the whole truth. And was very hard to admit to you the reader. But this is supposed to be therapy and we (you and me) are supposed to open this up for discussion so everyone can learn from this and carry on with life.
I hope this was interesting and helped someone out there that they are not alone.
Ciao for now.
So it was last year in January when my ex was working full time as a manager at a local restaurant. She helped open it shortly before and I expected some weird hours.Well there was that indeed and a lot of working at the computer at home and texting going on. I didn't pay much attention to this as I was getting up for work at 4 am and then taking care of the kids when I got home at noon. That's when she would go to work. And then I would put the kids down around 7:30pm. Yup long days.
One day my ex comes home and says she talked to her boss and requested to go to part time without discussing this with me or how that would effect the home income. Yup she did. And later to find out this was to accommodate some cheating hours which she would lie and say she was running errands.
Then the opportunity to do a business trip to Barbados for a week came up and I had to go. And this was in first part of April. And without any argument from her. And no that wouldn't leave her with the kids all that time. A few years previous I agreed to let her ,out of work and money and no ambition to get either, mother move into the basement for free. Yes I'm bitter about that one.
So during that time I was away I later found out she spent a large amount of time with the man, who I was to later find out, was the love of her life. So let's get a good look at this guy. He is a pasty white skinned guy around the same age as me with red hair and glasses. Skinny build and cheesy mustache. Like he is just growing it for the first time. His likes are BBW's, S&M, BDSM, TV/TG/GM, and 27/7 domination. He also likes large rubbery cylindrical ribbed objects inserted in his bottom area while being dominated. Or having it done the old fashioned way by a man while she watched. That's real sharing. If any of these terms are confusing they can be found by just googling the terms. And as for the description of the guy well I got a good look at him in the masturbation video he sent to her. But I am getting ahead of the story.
When I returned she sat me down and said to me that we should take some time alone and live separately and work on our relationship. Cowardly way to say that she has no intention of working on anything and I need to get my crap out and go away.
So I found a place to live for the short term so we can work on us and get to know who we are as individuals, blah, blah,blah, lie ,lie, lie. During this time I had taken the kids every second weekend and on Wednesdays for supper. Plus phone calls and everything.
During one of my visits I had to get a file from the lap top at home. TA DA. The MSN account was open and the email was there. I didn't think of fishing through it until I saw the title of one email called Yes Mistress Kazza. Yup I just said Mistress. That's when I started to fish through the computer to find that she put an ad in Kijiji as a single mother of two looking for fun in January of that year. Then as I went through I found all the emails of men who responded and the pics she sent them. Non nude and then when she warmed up to them they were nude shots. Then the string of emails from this sub who was into objects or persons entering his exit. This included pictures,videos,and letters explaining what the "little bitch" was supposed to do that weekend or he would get s whipping. BTW these are all factual as I still have all the emails, pictures, and videos they sent to each other just in case I might need it later as proof in court.
So this continued for a few months and a trip out to the coast to see him. Which she told me was to see her sister. Then she moved on I later found out to the love of her life #2. Who was just into screwing her and not be seen in public with her. Probably for fear of his wife catching him. Which I heard actually did happen.
Then move into late August and into September. We had been talking about reconciliation and so I decided to take her on a date to the Zoo gala. Great night with a fabulous array of booths for all the taste buds. We had a good time and went home. When we got there she took the dog for a walk while I checked on the kids. When I came down stairs her cell buzzed and lit up as I walked past it. There was a text. From a guy. So I investigated. Earlier in the evening she went to the bathroom and texted Love #2 and asked him "are you horny". And there is where the texting started for that night. I proceeded to drop the phone and walk out. I got into my car and drove off to the place where i was staying. She texted me and joked if I was taking the garbage for a drive(I didn't get the joke either). That's when I texted back "You know what you did". That was the end of the conversation for that evening.
From there on out it had been a constant battle not to do anything physical to her because of the depth of her lies and betrayal. It helped me lose 20lbs in about a month. And I am sure a few more grey hairs.
So from the time I moved out til the official sale of the house I was giving her $2000 a month for the expenses and the kids. Plus her pay. I lived off of $800. That took care of $450 rent. $100 gas. $150 food. Blah,Blah,Blah. She on the other hand managed to rack up all the credit cards and spent $10.5K in two months. And she wasn't paying any bills on time or would send them half. This in turn damaged my credit so bad the bank won't even give me a $500 credit card even though I have now $18K in the same damn bank.
During this time she got my permission to take the kids to Waterloo Ontario to live with the love of her life #3. This was a tough decision for me. But the facts are I don't have family here. They are in Ontario. She would have his family there to help out.The cost of living and public school system is great there. And it's a really nice part of Ontario. I get them for a couple times a year for a weeks stay.
We are now divorced. Or as close as it can be. Just need to have the judge rubber stamp the thing.
That's the whole truth. And was very hard to admit to you the reader. But this is supposed to be therapy and we (you and me) are supposed to open this up for discussion so everyone can learn from this and carry on with life.
I hope this was interesting and helped someone out there that they are not alone.
Ciao for now.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Dating
Ok so I have been trying dating for a while now and have tried different avenues to go about it. There is dating from your pool of friends.(Not a good idea). Dating from Plenty of Fish or any other dating web site. Or there is always the blind date.
Blind dates. Aren't they fun. It all starts off with someone saying to you "Hey your single right? (THANKS FOR REMINDING ME!)I have the perfect person for you. Wanna meet HIM\HER?" Then if your respect them or their judgement you eventually say yes. Then there is the self questioning that goes along with it. "Is she pretty?" " What if he's an ass?" " Where is the nearest exit by the washroom?". All the things that make us what we are as humans. You know, Crazy. Well at least crazy to our ex's.
Second line of dating which I don't think is a smart way to date is amongst the people you know. UNLESS you know that person has been into you for a while and you know you can make it work or at least if it doesn't still be friends. Otherwise you have messed up a business relationship or friendship. Or even friend of a friendship. Anyway you slice it, if you try this route your taking a big risk at messing something up and maybe your social life for a while.
On the other hand it is a safer way to date because most often you already know the person. Either know them a little or a lot. My recommendation here is to take it slow and don't jump right into bed the first night or even the fifth night. Enjoy each others company and see how much of the relationship is based on sexual urges and how much is on actually wanting to spend time with that person. If it's the first urge then i say "get out now". Don't go to far and mess things up so you will always feel awkward around that person when they are around.
Third option is the web dating. Yes this can be a good way to meet people. But like a Walmart, you have to sort through the bad stuff to see the one or two gems awaiting you there. Yes go on and see what's outside you group of friends or acquaintances. This gets you out there and people can meet you for tea or coffee, or even go out for a lunch date or drinks. Everything is totally up to you and how fast you wanna take it.
Me I have tried all three. Yup I did. Everyone knows it is hard out there. And everyone has their own expectations of what they expect from a date. I find it hard to know what to do that is proper now a days. Do I pay for everything like a gentleman? Go split the bill because you want them to know you respect their individuality? Go straight for the dinner or just drinks the first time? It's a myriad of possibilities. And you don't want to ask too many questions so not to freak the other person out.
What do you think? I am like you and trying to just get by and preying I am not going to make a fool out of myself in this dating world. Step by step this process may get easier.
Well that's my ramblings for tonight. I am exhausted writing this so it probably makes less sense than usual.
Ciao for now
Blind dates. Aren't they fun. It all starts off with someone saying to you "Hey your single right? (THANKS FOR REMINDING ME!)I have the perfect person for you. Wanna meet HIM\HER?" Then if your respect them or their judgement you eventually say yes. Then there is the self questioning that goes along with it. "Is she pretty?" " What if he's an ass?" " Where is the nearest exit by the washroom?". All the things that make us what we are as humans. You know, Crazy. Well at least crazy to our ex's.
Second line of dating which I don't think is a smart way to date is amongst the people you know. UNLESS you know that person has been into you for a while and you know you can make it work or at least if it doesn't still be friends. Otherwise you have messed up a business relationship or friendship. Or even friend of a friendship. Anyway you slice it, if you try this route your taking a big risk at messing something up and maybe your social life for a while.
On the other hand it is a safer way to date because most often you already know the person. Either know them a little or a lot. My recommendation here is to take it slow and don't jump right into bed the first night or even the fifth night. Enjoy each others company and see how much of the relationship is based on sexual urges and how much is on actually wanting to spend time with that person. If it's the first urge then i say "get out now". Don't go to far and mess things up so you will always feel awkward around that person when they are around.
Third option is the web dating. Yes this can be a good way to meet people. But like a Walmart, you have to sort through the bad stuff to see the one or two gems awaiting you there. Yes go on and see what's outside you group of friends or acquaintances. This gets you out there and people can meet you for tea or coffee, or even go out for a lunch date or drinks. Everything is totally up to you and how fast you wanna take it.
Me I have tried all three. Yup I did. Everyone knows it is hard out there. And everyone has their own expectations of what they expect from a date. I find it hard to know what to do that is proper now a days. Do I pay for everything like a gentleman? Go split the bill because you want them to know you respect their individuality? Go straight for the dinner or just drinks the first time? It's a myriad of possibilities. And you don't want to ask too many questions so not to freak the other person out.
What do you think? I am like you and trying to just get by and preying I am not going to make a fool out of myself in this dating world. Step by step this process may get easier.
Well that's my ramblings for tonight. I am exhausted writing this so it probably makes less sense than usual.
Ciao for now
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Whats Next ?
So it looks like there are people reading my little rants. Well good and welcome. This is where real literature goes to die.
So it seems today i go to my intuition class and the woman who had mislead me at the pool party will be there. Awkward! Oh you don't remember reading about this woman? Let's refresh your memory.
Were at a pool party and getting along good. Were in the pool and rather close. I go get a drink and get distracted by someone talking to me. I return and she's making out with her ex. Short sweet and just the facts.
On the whole,this is going to be so uncomfortable today. Probably for the both of us. She will look at me and I will look at her and never should our eyes meet. And if they do then you have to look away quickly so as not to show interest. Even at this age (38)the same teenage games are played out. Is there a time when this all stops? For the love of god can't she just tell me straight out what happened, instead of keeping this all bottled up and making it uncomfortable for the both of us?
I dislike having those uncomfortable chats don't get me wrong. Whoever is at fault and trying to explain has to open up and bear their selves. This of course leaves them defenceless against any attack and people try to protect themselves and whats inside from the outside world. I guess the common theme is I will let someone in to my life and into my head, a little, but not too deep. If you let them in deep into your head and soul you have nothing left for yourself. Can you share that much?
I would like you to think of the most perfect couple in the world. Could be any couple. Then look at them and ask yourself if they have some of themselves held back a little or did they open up like a book to their partner and shared everything. Their hopes and dreams. Hates and fears. Most embarrassing moment in their lives. Their kinks and fantasies.
Could you open up that much to someone your interested in? Does that take years to let loose all the little facts of your life to find commonality? Or do you just sit down and spill everything at once and watch as the person your telling curls up in a little ball and turns white at all the details. Of course that means they are relating what your saying to their own lives and realizing they might have more screwed up details than you and what then does that make them?
So many questions and so many answers.
I think just let it out as it comes and be honest and if they are scared about how messed up you are then there is the door. This is your life and your living it as best you can.
Ciao for now
So it seems today i go to my intuition class and the woman who had mislead me at the pool party will be there. Awkward! Oh you don't remember reading about this woman? Let's refresh your memory.
Were at a pool party and getting along good. Were in the pool and rather close. I go get a drink and get distracted by someone talking to me. I return and she's making out with her ex. Short sweet and just the facts.
On the whole,this is going to be so uncomfortable today. Probably for the both of us. She will look at me and I will look at her and never should our eyes meet. And if they do then you have to look away quickly so as not to show interest. Even at this age (38)the same teenage games are played out. Is there a time when this all stops? For the love of god can't she just tell me straight out what happened, instead of keeping this all bottled up and making it uncomfortable for the both of us?
I dislike having those uncomfortable chats don't get me wrong. Whoever is at fault and trying to explain has to open up and bear their selves. This of course leaves them defenceless against any attack and people try to protect themselves and whats inside from the outside world. I guess the common theme is I will let someone in to my life and into my head, a little, but not too deep. If you let them in deep into your head and soul you have nothing left for yourself. Can you share that much?
I would like you to think of the most perfect couple in the world. Could be any couple. Then look at them and ask yourself if they have some of themselves held back a little or did they open up like a book to their partner and shared everything. Their hopes and dreams. Hates and fears. Most embarrassing moment in their lives. Their kinks and fantasies.
Could you open up that much to someone your interested in? Does that take years to let loose all the little facts of your life to find commonality? Or do you just sit down and spill everything at once and watch as the person your telling curls up in a little ball and turns white at all the details. Of course that means they are relating what your saying to their own lives and realizing they might have more screwed up details than you and what then does that make them?
So many questions and so many answers.
I think just let it out as it comes and be honest and if they are scared about how messed up you are then there is the door. This is your life and your living it as best you can.
Ciao for now
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
The Next Chapter
I, as you might have noticed, am an infrequent blogger.
Does this bother you? Do you really care that it's infrequent as long as there is something to read about once a week? I don't know.
Can I keep your attention once a week is the real question. There is going to be grammatical and format errors of course. I am not a writer and don't claim to be one. That takes a lot of hard work and practice at the craft of writing. Do I want to get good at it? No I just want to be able to convey my messages as I can and hope they make sense to you the reader. And yes I do apologize to any professional scribes for the scribbles of a man and his journey through this life.
So that brings me to today's story.
I told you previously about the mystery woman who I love and think she still loves me and the confusion I feel when I am around her and everything. (Go read now if your not familiar)
So I had to see her today and talk about something that has happened at work. Maybe it was just an excuse just to see her. If you knew who I was talking about you would be trying to see her too. Yes even women because she is easy to talk to and she makes you feel good.Hmmmmmmmmm. Yup I'm daydreaming and getting off topic.
There I was and talking about things and she keeps looking into me like she is trying to read what is deep inside my mind and what I am about. I don't mind since we shared so much in the past with each other. I even enjoy it for the simple reason that she is taking the interest to look at me that way. Am I a stalker in the making? No. I don't hang outside her house and see what she's gonna wear to bed or drive past her house like the real stalkers do.
This is the part of the story That I like.
We were done talking and I was about to return to work and she gives me a long loving hug. I know what your gonna say. "How do you know it was loving when I think it may have been creepy?"
Have you ever been hugged and the person doesn't let go and even gets a tighter grip. And in the middle of it they put their head on yours and inhale like they are smelling you for memory sake? Yeah that's what it was like. Nice.
So we went back to work and things felt better from then on today. Like all the irritations of the day were wiped away.
That is my ramblings for today. And I am inspired to try hard to make my blogging more frequent and legible to more than just me. And hopefully with as few run on sentences as possible.
Ciao for now
Does this bother you? Do you really care that it's infrequent as long as there is something to read about once a week? I don't know.
Can I keep your attention once a week is the real question. There is going to be grammatical and format errors of course. I am not a writer and don't claim to be one. That takes a lot of hard work and practice at the craft of writing. Do I want to get good at it? No I just want to be able to convey my messages as I can and hope they make sense to you the reader. And yes I do apologize to any professional scribes for the scribbles of a man and his journey through this life.
So that brings me to today's story.
I told you previously about the mystery woman who I love and think she still loves me and the confusion I feel when I am around her and everything. (Go read now if your not familiar)
So I had to see her today and talk about something that has happened at work. Maybe it was just an excuse just to see her. If you knew who I was talking about you would be trying to see her too. Yes even women because she is easy to talk to and she makes you feel good.Hmmmmmmmmm. Yup I'm daydreaming and getting off topic.
There I was and talking about things and she keeps looking into me like she is trying to read what is deep inside my mind and what I am about. I don't mind since we shared so much in the past with each other. I even enjoy it for the simple reason that she is taking the interest to look at me that way. Am I a stalker in the making? No. I don't hang outside her house and see what she's gonna wear to bed or drive past her house like the real stalkers do.
This is the part of the story That I like.
We were done talking and I was about to return to work and she gives me a long loving hug. I know what your gonna say. "How do you know it was loving when I think it may have been creepy?"
Have you ever been hugged and the person doesn't let go and even gets a tighter grip. And in the middle of it they put their head on yours and inhale like they are smelling you for memory sake? Yeah that's what it was like. Nice.
So we went back to work and things felt better from then on today. Like all the irritations of the day were wiped away.
That is my ramblings for today. And I am inspired to try hard to make my blogging more frequent and legible to more than just me. And hopefully with as few run on sentences as possible.
Ciao for now
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Very Confused
So I have told you about the past year but I did leave one personal item out. Yes it is a woman. This particular person I won't name because she is really special to me. So lets start at the beginning.
It was after my split with my ex that I found myself aware that this woman liked me. With all my baggage and all. So I decided to pursue it. Why not? She is gorgeous and an incredible person on the inside.
So we carried on and had a great time with everything we did. We had it great. Unfortunately she has been sick and getting sicker for the last three years. The doctors don't know what it is and they keep doing tests after tests.
Well things got complicated with the ex and she asked me to try and make amends and try our marriage once again. This was an almost impossible decision. Lose lose for me it seemed. If I continued with the mystery woman I would lose the chance to fix my marriage. If I went with my ex wife I would lose someone I also loved very much. Yes believe it or not you can love two women at the same time. It's crazy.
This was a particularly bad time for the other woman. She was in the hospital and in bad shape and in constant pain. She looked bad and just wanted all the pain to go away. In any way possible.
So on a trip to visit her in the hospital it all came to a head. I walked into her room and she had a lot of tubes and breathing stuff on. She looked very tired and in pain. I was at her bedside when she brought up that we should part ways. This was very heartbreaking to me and I didn't know the reason why she was saying all this. Was it so I didn't have to see her like this? Or some other reason? She knew my feelings for her and in her state and mine, I didn't know quite what to do. I held her hand and kissed it and said my goodbye and left. It was terribly hard. I didn't want to cause her anymore pain that I could see on her face. Both physical or mental. On the way to the car I was an emotional wreck. and wanted to run back up and make her change her mind. But I didn't have to words or mindset to figure out how to do that.
Onward we flash through time where my ex just wanted to use me to get some more money while she screwed around some more with other men. This time we didn't do anything until I was sure all was going to be alright with us. Then I found out what she was doing and walked away.
Then forward all the way to today. The other mystery woman and I have continued to be friends and we express our love for one another through texts and when we meet. I do still love her and she makes me feel alive and loved back.
So she is still sick and going for tests and is fighting the mystery illness. And she has an operation very soon to help some of her symptoms. But she has been very sick and barely able to work. Which brings me to today.
She asked me if I could drive her home because she is sick and I was done work so I obliged. We made small talk there and when we reached her house she turned to me and said we will have an important talk before she goes into surgery. Then I was caught off guard by this and took my sunglasses off and lost all words to say. All I could manage to say was yes and go get some sleep and get better. She went inside and I drove off.
What the hell does that mean? We need to have a talk? This evokes all my emotions and makes me wonder what to do or what it's about.
Do I want her back? Yes. Does she want me back? I don't know. Could it be because she wants to say something very important before she goes into surgery just in case something happens? All these and more questions come to mind as time slips by. And I am sure as days go by the mystery is going to become unbearable and hopes of her wanting me back will inevitably be growing in my mind.
So as I close this chapter of the blog I am still questioning about what may happen with this talk and why now? I do love her and always will. But I guess this means the answer to eight months of wondering will come to an end.
I know this may raise many questions about what I did and what she did will come to mind. It has been going through mine from the time I left the hospital. Generalities are needed in this particular blog for the both of us. But I will continue with the story and let you know in the future what happens.
Ciao for now
It was after my split with my ex that I found myself aware that this woman liked me. With all my baggage and all. So I decided to pursue it. Why not? She is gorgeous and an incredible person on the inside.
So we carried on and had a great time with everything we did. We had it great. Unfortunately she has been sick and getting sicker for the last three years. The doctors don't know what it is and they keep doing tests after tests.
Well things got complicated with the ex and she asked me to try and make amends and try our marriage once again. This was an almost impossible decision. Lose lose for me it seemed. If I continued with the mystery woman I would lose the chance to fix my marriage. If I went with my ex wife I would lose someone I also loved very much. Yes believe it or not you can love two women at the same time. It's crazy.
This was a particularly bad time for the other woman. She was in the hospital and in bad shape and in constant pain. She looked bad and just wanted all the pain to go away. In any way possible.
So on a trip to visit her in the hospital it all came to a head. I walked into her room and she had a lot of tubes and breathing stuff on. She looked very tired and in pain. I was at her bedside when she brought up that we should part ways. This was very heartbreaking to me and I didn't know the reason why she was saying all this. Was it so I didn't have to see her like this? Or some other reason? She knew my feelings for her and in her state and mine, I didn't know quite what to do. I held her hand and kissed it and said my goodbye and left. It was terribly hard. I didn't want to cause her anymore pain that I could see on her face. Both physical or mental. On the way to the car I was an emotional wreck. and wanted to run back up and make her change her mind. But I didn't have to words or mindset to figure out how to do that.
Onward we flash through time where my ex just wanted to use me to get some more money while she screwed around some more with other men. This time we didn't do anything until I was sure all was going to be alright with us. Then I found out what she was doing and walked away.
Then forward all the way to today. The other mystery woman and I have continued to be friends and we express our love for one another through texts and when we meet. I do still love her and she makes me feel alive and loved back.
So she is still sick and going for tests and is fighting the mystery illness. And she has an operation very soon to help some of her symptoms. But she has been very sick and barely able to work. Which brings me to today.
She asked me if I could drive her home because she is sick and I was done work so I obliged. We made small talk there and when we reached her house she turned to me and said we will have an important talk before she goes into surgery. Then I was caught off guard by this and took my sunglasses off and lost all words to say. All I could manage to say was yes and go get some sleep and get better. She went inside and I drove off.
What the hell does that mean? We need to have a talk? This evokes all my emotions and makes me wonder what to do or what it's about.
Do I want her back? Yes. Does she want me back? I don't know. Could it be because she wants to say something very important before she goes into surgery just in case something happens? All these and more questions come to mind as time slips by. And I am sure as days go by the mystery is going to become unbearable and hopes of her wanting me back will inevitably be growing in my mind.
So as I close this chapter of the blog I am still questioning about what may happen with this talk and why now? I do love her and always will. But I guess this means the answer to eight months of wondering will come to an end.
I know this may raise many questions about what I did and what she did will come to mind. It has been going through mine from the time I left the hospital. Generalities are needed in this particular blog for the both of us. But I will continue with the story and let you know in the future what happens.
Ciao for now
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