My Last Post

The Child Support topic from the last post got a lot of attention. So I want to leave it for now and let people comment and learn from each other one more day. Thanks for those who gave feedback.

To Pay Or Not To Pay ?

More and more over the last year and a half I have been hearing from women and their experiences with men who won't pay child support when they divorce. And lately I have been hearing it more frequently. Is this an epidemic of assholes out there? Have they found some kind of loophole that I am not aware of? Not that I wouldn't pay. It is only hurting the kids. Right?

In all separation and eventually divorce agreements both parties agree to certain terms and the government has the amount the spouse has to pay all down in a convenient little pamphlet that was handed to me when I entered the process of separation.

So how do these douche bags get out of paying? Maybe because they weren't really men to begin with and are terrible fathers. They don't see how it can hurt the spouse looking for the money to pay for the necessities of everyday living. Same amount as when they were a couple together but just in one or two lump sums per month.

Ok so I will spell it out for you about why they won't pay from a mans perspective without holding back. Turn off NCIS and put the phone on silent and read with the hope you can understand the guys mindset.

1. He's a Super Douche and makes a lot of money and doesn't want to pay a dime because he spent a shitload of money fighting every point during the divorce and wants to lash back. No matter how many parenting after separation courses he takes this D-bag will deny cash to hurt everyone so they hope they feel the pain he went through during the divorce. He also likes the feeling of being in control of the situation and enjoys the frustration it brings his ex. Also this man won't take the kid/s when he's supposed to.

2. He's a Tres Douche and makes a good living and pays a little here and a little there. This sort has a little bit of a conscience about his kids and wants to see them. He makes up stories about his work and the amount he makes and makes a big deal about all the bills he has to pay. He also doesn't want his parents and siblings think he's a douche so he continues the story to them. He may need some legal persuasion from time to time but he will pay up when he can. P.S. he will always hide money from you and try to get out of payments from time to time. He won't change. He will take the kid/s when it fits his work schedule.

3. This is your average D-bag. He will pay but not on time ever and your continually chasing after him. This is because he like the attention from his ex and every time he talks or texts her he still feels like he's a part of her life. This guy can't let go and will be a challenge to get any peace with him. RESTRAINING ORDER!

So I hope you got a touch of insight into the brain of the many stages of Douche-dome.

Ciao for Now

New Beginnings

So I have taken some time out from blogging getting my life back to some semblance of order out of the chaos of the last year and a bit. Now is the time to start new.

It is quite a mind bending experience going through a separation and divorce. You think about everything that had gone wrong and what you could have done more to make it work.

The conclusion I have made out of all of this is you can make all the effort you want but if one of you in the relationship isn't giving their full effort than it is doomed for failure.

Also you as an individual try to place the blame on the other person. You think you did all that you could and the other person didn't make an effort. Took the easy way out. And all the other excuses you can think of.

Then you actually go through the thought process about all the things you did wrong and how you were the failure in the relationship. And that takes some time to get through those thoughts.

Like it or hate it both of you screwed it up. One could have done worse that the other sure. But it's how you got to that spot in the first place.

Once all that has been computed then your ready to start your life again. It has to be one of the worst trips through your own being one can take.

I believe if you hadn't taken this trip through your brain and continue on like nothing wrong ever happened then you haven't learned anything and every relationship after that will be doomed to fail.

Yeah this is just my thoughts but I hope they helped.

Ciao for Now

Unedited story of my seperation !

This has been the hardest story to tell to date. To reveal the ugly truth of what happened to me to get divorced. I sort of feel like I am at a party and a bunch of divorced people are all around trying to top the absolute worst story of how it happened. That has happened to me by the way.And I have no idea why we have a competitive nature about a subject that hurts so much.

So it was last year in January when my ex was working full time as a manager at a local restaurant. She helped open it shortly before and I expected some weird hours.Well there was that indeed and a lot of working at the computer at home and texting going on. I didn't pay much attention to this as I was getting up for work at 4 am and then taking care of the kids when I got home at noon. That's when she would go to work. And then I would put the kids down around 7:30pm. Yup long days.

One day my ex comes home and says she talked to her boss and requested to go to part time without discussing this with me or how that would effect the home income. Yup she did. And later to find out this was to accommodate some cheating hours which she would lie and say she was running errands.

Then the opportunity to do a business trip to Barbados for a week came up and I had to go. And this was in first part of April. And without any argument from her. And no that wouldn't leave her with the kids all that time. A few years previous I agreed to let her ,out of work and money and no ambition to get either, mother move into the basement for free. Yes I'm bitter about that one.

So during that time I was away I later found out she spent a large amount of time with the man, who I was to later find out, was the love of her life. So let's get a good look at this guy. He is a pasty white skinned guy around the same age as me with red hair and glasses. Skinny build and cheesy mustache. Like he is just growing it for the first time. His likes are BBW's, S&M, BDSM, TV/TG/GM, and 27/7 domination. He also likes large rubbery cylindrical ribbed objects inserted in his bottom area while being dominated. Or having it done the old fashioned way by a man while she watched. That's real sharing. If any of these terms are confusing they can be found by just googling the terms. And as for the description of the guy well I got a good look at him in the masturbation video he sent to her. But I am getting ahead of the story.

When I returned she sat me down and said to me that we should take some time alone and live separately and work on our relationship. Cowardly way to say that she has no intention of working on anything and I need to get my crap out and go away.

So I found a place to live for the short term so we can work on us and get to know who we are as individuals, blah, blah,blah, lie ,lie, lie. During this time I had taken the kids every second weekend and on Wednesdays for supper. Plus phone calls and everything.

During one of my visits I had to get a file from the lap top at home. TA DA. The MSN account was open and the email was there. I didn't think of fishing through it until I saw the title of one email called Yes Mistress Kazza. Yup I just said Mistress. That's when I started to fish through the computer to find that she put an ad in Kijiji as a single mother of two looking for fun in January of that year. Then as I went through I found all the emails of men who responded and the pics she sent them. Non nude and then when she warmed up to them they were nude shots. Then the string of emails from this sub who was into objects or persons entering his exit. This included pictures,videos,and letters explaining what the "little bitch" was supposed to do that weekend or he would get s whipping. BTW these are all factual as I still have all the emails, pictures, and videos they sent to each other just in case I might need it later as proof in court.

So this continued for a few months and a trip out to the coast to see him. Which she told me was to see her sister. Then she moved on I later found out to the love of her life #2. Who was just into screwing her and not be seen in public with her. Probably for fear of his wife catching him. Which I heard actually did happen.

Then move into late August and into September. We had been talking about reconciliation and so I decided to take her on a date to the Zoo gala. Great night with a fabulous array of booths for all the taste buds. We had a good time and went home. When we got there she took the dog for a walk while I checked on the kids. When I came down stairs her cell buzzed and lit up as I walked past it. There was a text. From a guy. So I investigated. Earlier in the evening she went to the bathroom and texted Love #2 and asked him "are you horny". And there is where the texting started for that night. I proceeded to drop the phone and walk out. I got into my car and drove off to the place where i was staying. She texted me and joked if I was taking the garbage for a drive(I didn't get the joke either). That's when I texted back "You know what you did". That was the end of the conversation for that evening.

From there on out it had been a constant battle not to do anything physical to her because of the depth of her lies and betrayal. It helped me lose 20lbs in about a month. And I am sure a few more grey hairs.

So from the time I moved out til the official sale of the house I was giving her $2000 a month for the expenses and the kids. Plus her pay. I lived off of $800. That took care of $450 rent. $100 gas. $150 food. Blah,Blah,Blah. She on the other hand managed to rack up all the credit cards and spent $10.5K in two months. And she wasn't paying any bills on time or would send them half. This in turn damaged my credit so bad the bank won't even give me a $500 credit card even though I have now $18K in the same damn bank.

During this time she got my permission to take the kids to Waterloo Ontario to live with the love of her life #3. This was a tough decision for me. But the facts are I don't have family here. They are in Ontario. She would have his family there to help out.The cost of living and public school system is great there. And it's a really nice part of Ontario. I get them for a couple times a year for a weeks stay.

We are now divorced. Or as close as it can be. Just need to have the judge rubber stamp the thing.

That's the whole truth. And was very hard to admit to you the reader. But this is supposed to be therapy and we (you and me) are supposed to open this up for discussion so everyone can learn from this and carry on with life.

I hope this was interesting and helped someone out there that they are not alone.

Ciao for now.

Old Flame

Lets talk about someone in the past. I mean really long time ago. So long I am embarrassed to say. Well maybe like fifteen years. Yeah that's about right.

She was a beautiful redhead who was recently divorced and had some kids from the jackass she split from. She had spunk and fire. And was very sensuous.

That was my first foray at seeing a divorced woman. Pretty cool.We had a lot of fun and cared about each other deeply. And then I was gone. Yup I left to pursue a job out in Banff, working in the kitchen of the Banff Springs hotel.

That never sat great with me that I had to go. I always felt trapped in the little town I was living in. Watching other people trapped in the same town and rotting on the local bar stool wallowing away in their own urine stained clothes talking about what they did in their younger days. And that was just the twenty year olds. Yes the infamous trap of a little town that feels all warm and comfy because you know everyone and know everyone. At the same time they all knew you and your business too. But when in that trap you don't even notice the time slipping away and suddenly it's been two years since you have graduated college and you still aren't working in the field of study you took.

So frustrated I made a tough decision and left. Right or wrong I had to get the heck out and see what was in the rest of the world.

Then this little program that you might have heard of called Facebook comes around and all of a sudden everyone who I knew and barely remember are making friend requests. Accept,accept,accept. All of a sudden I have a ton of friends on this little interweb community. And then the day came that "she" found me. Do you remember when someone from your past tries to get to be your friend and you have some doubt because you don't know why they want to be your friend.

It turned out to be ok and we both grew from that time. Her kids all grew up and now I feel old because when I knew them they were just little. But that is a part of growing up I guess.

But what I didn't realize would happen is the old protective feelings towards her. Wanting to take care of her and be there for her to talk to when she is having a bad day. I guess you never really lose that feeling for the ones you cared for and that would be a shame if it did disappear.

So now communication with her is infrequent but there all the same. And we both probe into each others personal life. Making suggestions and feeling for each other when things are bad.

This leaves me at where I am right now. With her being in a great place with a full life. And she looks in on me from time to time.

So what would you have done? Stay because your comfortable in your small little town. Or Leave because you realize it's slowly strangling you to death? Dramatic I know but you get the picture.

Ciao for now.

A New Start for the Both of Us Part 2

So where did we leave off?
Ah yes the spending habits of my ex and the fact she spent 10 thousand in three months.
That brings us to the next part of the path to higher understanding that those who you think you know have a lot of secrets.
So the greed of my ex starts to come forth and I start to see how desperate she is to screw every last dime out of me.
We get our lawyers and start our process for the legal seperation. That wasn't the hard part. The hard part was learning that my lawyer only did what she was told to do and didn't have an interest for my best interest. Just the quick resolution to the large paper workload that is the legal seperation. So she in fact didn't give any advice to the right path of the legal forest to get a fair shake in the massive debt load that was my married life that my ex was trying to stick me with.
Time out here. Yes it seems like this story is one sided but at the same time I am trying to be sensitive to all the tiny little actions and words that are like the arrows searching for their prey. Inflicting the most amount of pain and outright hatred while wearing a smile as she looks at the carcas bleeding out.
Hmmm I might have a flair for the dramatic in this rant after all. Hehehe
So back to the story.
Now both of us had come to an agreement. She wanted to move the kids to Waterloo with the 3rd love in one year. It all came down to the wire on the day of her moving and I settled with the best interest for the kids.
Now this is when you will ask the question " What the F**K were you thinking to allow that to happen?" . Ok here it goes. All my family is in Ontario. All her family is here. Her new guys family is all there.
She, as I have pointed out earlier, had neglected to pay bills which in turn does a remarkable thing to credit ratings. They disappear. I don't have the credit to get a simple credit card to this day. Yup. I can actually have 20 thousand dollars in the bank but when it comes to ask for a simple 1 thousand dollar credit card they actually look poorly upon this.
So also the simplicity of Waterloo and the lower cost of living and education was a great deal of importance as well and it seemed the best decision for my kids.
So for now they are living there and I call my kids when I can.
My ex on the other hand decided that she wasn't going to work for a year and stay with the kids. Yup. She's taking a year off from working and I have to work my butt off to keep afloat.
According to the courts because she was working part time for the year we were seperated this is legal cause to make the amount of the percentage towards the kids extra curricular activities greatly more in her favor. It actually comes to me paying %76 of all these costs.
The question this leaves me is where is the incentive for her to go back to work and do something constructive. Instead she is spending all her money that could be used to buy herself a new place. Maybe to sort out her head. Be alone for a bit to find herself. But no, that's not gonna happen.
This brings us to the present. I am currently awaiting for the courts to finalize my divorce and be free of this woman. The kids will be visiting soon and I can't wait to see them.
This is a short version of what went on in this year. I didn't tell you the details that would turn your stomach. Wondering what the heck is wrong with her head.
So now you have a synopsis of what I have been through this year. I will be blogging about real things and in the present from now on.
I know what your thinking. This guys thoughts and his writing format is terrible. Well that's what your get when someone who has always been learning different when it comes to english decides to write something. I'm not stupid but the way things appear to be correct format to me doesn't look or read correctly to others. Some days I am suprised I'm not wearing a hockey helmet out of hockey season and riding the special bus.
This is where I leave you for this entry. You know a little of my past year and will try to impress you with witty stories in the future.

A New Start for the Both of Us

Ok so here we go with this blogging stuff. This will be scattered and quite an experience for both me the writer and you the reader.
I am not a writer so it may seem all over the place in thoughts that run through my head. But lets give it a try.
So this has been the most incredible year of my life. That's not the good meaning of incredible either.
First I went through an ordeal with my ex wife cheating on me while I was out of town on a business trip. Then I found out she was actually doing it months before and had put an add in Kijiji looking for someone for a distraction.
You guessed it. I packed my things and left. Even though I have 2 kids and was very concerned for them I decided that by throwing her out would have been more disruptive in their lives. So I left.
Yes I know that wasn't the bravest thing to do but I had to weigh all my options and finally choose the one that didn't hurt them.
So at this point the question arose whats next. How about having to pay $2000 a month to the ex to make things easier for them til the house sold and the divorce commenced. Let me make this clear that it's a huge amount for me. And since we are disclosing everything and not leaving anything out here's the breakdown. $3800 per month is the take home pay. And $2000 is going to the ex and the kids in the house. That makes $800 for me right? That shouldn't be hard to get by on. Well this is when it gets complicated and the math doesn't work. $450 goes to rent. $200 for food. $100 is for gas. And so the $50 was left for incidentals. Goes fast doesn't it.
So onward. I had moved into an old house with a friend in a cold basement and when we plugged 2 or more things in it would blow a fuse. Great.
Next 8 months goes by and I am living tough and lost 20 lbs. And other things happened during that time that's hard to write about right now but maybe in future blogs it will all come out.
So back to it. 8 months go by and I am in Edmonton with a friend visiting and shopping at the big mall. Then the phone call comes and my roomie tells me that a pipe burst and all my stuff got wet and my room was destroyed and needed to be fully replaced. You guessed it. I have to find a new place to live. And fast.
Luckily that happened and another friend just happened to have room to spare. So the migration started slowly in my Chevy Optra. Not exactly the greatest moving vehicle.
Now here comes the interesting part. It so happens that the ex was spending more money than she was making or receiving at the time. That's not whats so suprising because she has been doing that since I met her. But what is suprising is that she racked up $10 thousand dollars in debt in three months and didn't pay bills and let the creditors start their phone calls to me.
So I come to learn the hard way that when it comes to this woman she always wanted to have what the neighbors had. So when there wasn't anyone to control her spending she just spent it.
Right now I will let this e as far as I write.
I guess this is what they call a cliffhanger and you will have to keep reading in the future to get the whole story. No matter how badly written.
See ya then