Whats Next ?

So it looks like there are people reading my little rants. Well good and welcome. This is where real literature goes to die.

So it seems today i go to my intuition class and the woman who had mislead me at the pool party will be there. Awkward! Oh you don't remember reading about this woman? Let's refresh your memory.

Were at a pool party and getting along good. Were in the pool and rather close. I go get a drink and get distracted by someone talking to me. I return and she's making out with her ex. Short sweet and just the facts.

On the whole,this is going to be so uncomfortable today. Probably for the both of us. She will look at me and I will look at her and never should our eyes meet. And if they do then you have to look away quickly so as not to show interest. Even at this age (38)the same teenage games are played out. Is there a time when this all stops? For the love of god can't she just tell me straight out what happened, instead of keeping this all bottled up and making it uncomfortable for the both of us?

I dislike having those uncomfortable chats don't get me wrong. Whoever is at fault and trying to explain has to open up and bear their selves. This of course leaves them defenceless against any attack and people try to protect themselves and whats inside from the outside world. I guess the common theme is I will let someone in to my life and into my head, a little, but not too deep. If you let them in deep into your head and soul you have nothing left for yourself. Can you share that much?

I would like you to think of the most perfect couple in the world. Could be any couple. Then look at them and ask yourself if they have some of themselves held back a little or did they open up like a book to their partner and shared everything. Their hopes and dreams. Hates and fears. Most embarrassing moment in their lives. Their kinks and fantasies.

Could you open up that much to someone your interested in? Does that take years to let loose all the little facts of your life to find commonality? Or do you just sit down and spill everything at once and watch as the person your telling curls up in a little ball and turns white at all the details. Of course that means they are relating what your saying to their own lives and realizing they might have more screwed up details than you and what then does that make them?

So many questions and so many answers.

I think just let it out as it comes and be honest and if they are scared about how messed up you are then there is the door. This is your life and your living it as best you can.

Ciao for now