So I have told you about the past year but I did leave one personal item out. Yes it is a woman. This particular person I won't name because she is really special to me. So lets start at the beginning.
It was after my split with my ex that I found myself aware that this woman liked me. With all my baggage and all. So I decided to pursue it. Why not? She is gorgeous and an incredible person on the inside.
So we carried on and had a great time with everything we did. We had it great. Unfortunately she has been sick and getting sicker for the last three years. The doctors don't know what it is and they keep doing tests after tests.
Well things got complicated with the ex and she asked me to try and make amends and try our marriage once again. This was an almost impossible decision. Lose lose for me it seemed. If I continued with the mystery woman I would lose the chance to fix my marriage. If I went with my ex wife I would lose someone I also loved very much. Yes believe it or not you can love two women at the same time. It's crazy.
This was a particularly bad time for the other woman. She was in the hospital and in bad shape and in constant pain. She looked bad and just wanted all the pain to go away. In any way possible.
So on a trip to visit her in the hospital it all came to a head. I walked into her room and she had a lot of tubes and breathing stuff on. She looked very tired and in pain. I was at her bedside when she brought up that we should part ways. This was very heartbreaking to me and I didn't know the reason why she was saying all this. Was it so I didn't have to see her like this? Or some other reason? She knew my feelings for her and in her state and mine, I didn't know quite what to do. I held her hand and kissed it and said my goodbye and left. It was terribly hard. I didn't want to cause her anymore pain that I could see on her face. Both physical or mental. On the way to the car I was an emotional wreck. and wanted to run back up and make her change her mind. But I didn't have to words or mindset to figure out how to do that.
Onward we flash through time where my ex just wanted to use me to get some more money while she screwed around some more with other men. This time we didn't do anything until I was sure all was going to be alright with us. Then I found out what she was doing and walked away.
Then forward all the way to today. The other mystery woman and I have continued to be friends and we express our love for one another through texts and when we meet. I do still love her and she makes me feel alive and loved back.
So she is still sick and going for tests and is fighting the mystery illness. And she has an operation very soon to help some of her symptoms. But she has been very sick and barely able to work. Which brings me to today.
She asked me if I could drive her home because she is sick and I was done work so I obliged. We made small talk there and when we reached her house she turned to me and said we will have an important talk before she goes into surgery. Then I was caught off guard by this and took my sunglasses off and lost all words to say. All I could manage to say was yes and go get some sleep and get better. She went inside and I drove off.
What the hell does that mean? We need to have a talk? This evokes all my emotions and makes me wonder what to do or what it's about.
Do I want her back? Yes. Does she want me back? I don't know. Could it be because she wants to say something very important before she goes into surgery just in case something happens? All these and more questions come to mind as time slips by. And I am sure as days go by the mystery is going to become unbearable and hopes of her wanting me back will inevitably be growing in my mind.
So as I close this chapter of the blog I am still questioning about what may happen with this talk and why now? I do love her and always will. But I guess this means the answer to eight months of wondering will come to an end.
I know this may raise many questions about what I did and what she did will come to mind. It has been going through mine from the time I left the hospital. Generalities are needed in this particular blog for the both of us. But I will continue with the story and let you know in the future what happens.
Ciao for now
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