So I have taken some time out from blogging getting my life back to some semblance of order out of the chaos of the last year and a bit. Now is the time to start new.
It is quite a mind bending experience going through a separation and divorce. You think about everything that had gone wrong and what you could have done more to make it work.
The conclusion I have made out of all of this is you can make all the effort you want but if one of you in the relationship isn't giving their full effort than it is doomed for failure.
Also you as an individual try to place the blame on the other person. You think you did all that you could and the other person didn't make an effort. Took the easy way out. And all the other excuses you can think of.
Then you actually go through the thought process about all the things you did wrong and how you were the failure in the relationship. And that takes some time to get through those thoughts.
Like it or hate it both of you screwed it up. One could have done worse that the other sure. But it's how you got to that spot in the first place.
Once all that has been computed then your ready to start your life again. It has to be one of the worst trips through your own being one can take.
I believe if you hadn't taken this trip through your brain and continue on like nothing wrong ever happened then you haven't learned anything and every relationship after that will be doomed to fail.
Yeah this is just my thoughts but I hope they helped.
Ciao for Now
Showing posts with label google. Show all posts
Showing posts with label google. Show all posts
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
OFFLINE
I will be offline and trying to get back when I get internet in my new residence. I will try and post stuff as soon as I can for you all.
Ciao for Now
Ciao for Now
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Old Flings are New Again
This is an interesting question that was brought up last week. Can old flings or girl/boy friends come around again and things work out the second time around? Well I guess we should take a look at my example of my old girlfriend and see what we can make of this query.
So as I wrote before everything with my old girlfriend got messed up and complicated and we broke up. But ever since we have been good friends and always had a bond there.The question then arises. Could the second time around then be better?
Well like any relationship you think about it a lot. And if one fails you think about how did it go so wrong and was any of it your fault. Of course these thoughts went through my head when om relationship fell apart with my old girlfriend. You think what did I do or didn't do. Was I paying enough attention to her or not enough. Did I put in the effort that was needed to keep it new and fresh. And maybe the biggest question of all is "Was she the one?".
Of course there is the other side of the coin as well. What happened? Why did she not do this or that? If I have to leave the seat down why can't you leave the seat up? Or look before you sit.Or maybe did she pay enough attention to me or too much and was smothering.
Of course all good questions and now whats the right answer? Well I think that with time comes the answers for every question. You think and rethink about what happened and it has to be better the second time around. As long as you have the right mindset to try and do it right the second time around. Or if you have the maturity to understand what it is that you need to do to make it work this time round.
So now that's as clear as mud. Right? Let us recap.
No if you don't have the maturity or the knowledge of what went wrong in the first place.
Yes if you learned from it and do want it to work so bad you have aches deep down in your heart. You know what needs to be done this time and will work at it harder.
So you see the answer lies with you and how much work and dedication you are willing to put into it. If your not wiling to put everything into it you have then don't waste her or your time.
I guess that's all for friendly advice.
Ciao for now
So as I wrote before everything with my old girlfriend got messed up and complicated and we broke up. But ever since we have been good friends and always had a bond there.The question then arises. Could the second time around then be better?
Well like any relationship you think about it a lot. And if one fails you think about how did it go so wrong and was any of it your fault. Of course these thoughts went through my head when om relationship fell apart with my old girlfriend. You think what did I do or didn't do. Was I paying enough attention to her or not enough. Did I put in the effort that was needed to keep it new and fresh. And maybe the biggest question of all is "Was she the one?".
Of course there is the other side of the coin as well. What happened? Why did she not do this or that? If I have to leave the seat down why can't you leave the seat up? Or look before you sit.Or maybe did she pay enough attention to me or too much and was smothering.
Of course all good questions and now whats the right answer? Well I think that with time comes the answers for every question. You think and rethink about what happened and it has to be better the second time around. As long as you have the right mindset to try and do it right the second time around. Or if you have the maturity to understand what it is that you need to do to make it work this time round.
So now that's as clear as mud. Right? Let us recap.
No if you don't have the maturity or the knowledge of what went wrong in the first place.
Yes if you learned from it and do want it to work so bad you have aches deep down in your heart. You know what needs to be done this time and will work at it harder.
So you see the answer lies with you and how much work and dedication you are willing to put into it. If your not wiling to put everything into it you have then don't waste her or your time.
I guess that's all for friendly advice.
Ciao for now
Sunday, June 27, 2010
I Took a Break to Think!
So the question has arisen about how brutally honest I have been on the blog and that it seems that I am not over a bunch of issues that I have written about. Well I have taken a bit of time and thought about that very hard for a few days.
Well one the one hand if I am totally honest about my experiences then someone else can learn about what I went through and maybe learn something from it. Then you the reader can also comment on it and then it becomes a sharing experience that more points of view can completely make sense of it. Does that sound confusing? It does when I write it. But some how makes logical sense to do it. It's almost like an idiots guide of what not to do or do in life. Take it in and learn from it.
Then there is the other side of the page where you shouldn't write about such things for it may come back to bite me in the ass. Things about relationships and betrayal and everything else is deeply personal and then people won't look at me the same way and feel sorry for me that I have had a rough year or week.
And then there is the shock value about the subjects I write about as well. Some people made comments that what they read makes them feel uncomfortable and that it's like reading a diary. Well yes it is. This is a sharing diary that we all can participate in. And yes some of the subjects are very personal and are raw. But if we can't talk about it then how do we learn from it?
I guess it all comes down to your comfort level and what you are willing to read or share to help others to experience the life lessons we all go through. If you can watch the Bachelorette or Big Brother on tv which is very voyeuristic then you should be able to read this blog and hopefully take something positive away from it.
Ciao for now
Well one the one hand if I am totally honest about my experiences then someone else can learn about what I went through and maybe learn something from it. Then you the reader can also comment on it and then it becomes a sharing experience that more points of view can completely make sense of it. Does that sound confusing? It does when I write it. But some how makes logical sense to do it. It's almost like an idiots guide of what not to do or do in life. Take it in and learn from it.
Then there is the other side of the page where you shouldn't write about such things for it may come back to bite me in the ass. Things about relationships and betrayal and everything else is deeply personal and then people won't look at me the same way and feel sorry for me that I have had a rough year or week.
And then there is the shock value about the subjects I write about as well. Some people made comments that what they read makes them feel uncomfortable and that it's like reading a diary. Well yes it is. This is a sharing diary that we all can participate in. And yes some of the subjects are very personal and are raw. But if we can't talk about it then how do we learn from it?
I guess it all comes down to your comfort level and what you are willing to read or share to help others to experience the life lessons we all go through. If you can watch the Bachelorette or Big Brother on tv which is very voyeuristic then you should be able to read this blog and hopefully take something positive away from it.
Ciao for now
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Unedited story of my seperation !
This has been the hardest story to tell to date. To reveal the ugly truth of what happened to me to get divorced. I sort of feel like I am at a party and a bunch of divorced people are all around trying to top the absolute worst story of how it happened. That has happened to me by the way.And I have no idea why we have a competitive nature about a subject that hurts so much.
So it was last year in January when my ex was working full time as a manager at a local restaurant. She helped open it shortly before and I expected some weird hours.Well there was that indeed and a lot of working at the computer at home and texting going on. I didn't pay much attention to this as I was getting up for work at 4 am and then taking care of the kids when I got home at noon. That's when she would go to work. And then I would put the kids down around 7:30pm. Yup long days.
One day my ex comes home and says she talked to her boss and requested to go to part time without discussing this with me or how that would effect the home income. Yup she did. And later to find out this was to accommodate some cheating hours which she would lie and say she was running errands.
Then the opportunity to do a business trip to Barbados for a week came up and I had to go. And this was in first part of April. And without any argument from her. And no that wouldn't leave her with the kids all that time. A few years previous I agreed to let her ,out of work and money and no ambition to get either, mother move into the basement for free. Yes I'm bitter about that one.
So during that time I was away I later found out she spent a large amount of time with the man, who I was to later find out, was the love of her life. So let's get a good look at this guy. He is a pasty white skinned guy around the same age as me with red hair and glasses. Skinny build and cheesy mustache. Like he is just growing it for the first time. His likes are BBW's, S&M, BDSM, TV/TG/GM, and 27/7 domination. He also likes large rubbery cylindrical ribbed objects inserted in his bottom area while being dominated. Or having it done the old fashioned way by a man while she watched. That's real sharing. If any of these terms are confusing they can be found by just googling the terms. And as for the description of the guy well I got a good look at him in the masturbation video he sent to her. But I am getting ahead of the story.
When I returned she sat me down and said to me that we should take some time alone and live separately and work on our relationship. Cowardly way to say that she has no intention of working on anything and I need to get my crap out and go away.
So I found a place to live for the short term so we can work on us and get to know who we are as individuals, blah, blah,blah, lie ,lie, lie. During this time I had taken the kids every second weekend and on Wednesdays for supper. Plus phone calls and everything.
During one of my visits I had to get a file from the lap top at home. TA DA. The MSN account was open and the email was there. I didn't think of fishing through it until I saw the title of one email called Yes Mistress Kazza. Yup I just said Mistress. That's when I started to fish through the computer to find that she put an ad in Kijiji as a single mother of two looking for fun in January of that year. Then as I went through I found all the emails of men who responded and the pics she sent them. Non nude and then when she warmed up to them they were nude shots. Then the string of emails from this sub who was into objects or persons entering his exit. This included pictures,videos,and letters explaining what the "little bitch" was supposed to do that weekend or he would get s whipping. BTW these are all factual as I still have all the emails, pictures, and videos they sent to each other just in case I might need it later as proof in court.
So this continued for a few months and a trip out to the coast to see him. Which she told me was to see her sister. Then she moved on I later found out to the love of her life #2. Who was just into screwing her and not be seen in public with her. Probably for fear of his wife catching him. Which I heard actually did happen.
Then move into late August and into September. We had been talking about reconciliation and so I decided to take her on a date to the Zoo gala. Great night with a fabulous array of booths for all the taste buds. We had a good time and went home. When we got there she took the dog for a walk while I checked on the kids. When I came down stairs her cell buzzed and lit up as I walked past it. There was a text. From a guy. So I investigated. Earlier in the evening she went to the bathroom and texted Love #2 and asked him "are you horny". And there is where the texting started for that night. I proceeded to drop the phone and walk out. I got into my car and drove off to the place where i was staying. She texted me and joked if I was taking the garbage for a drive(I didn't get the joke either). That's when I texted back "You know what you did". That was the end of the conversation for that evening.
From there on out it had been a constant battle not to do anything physical to her because of the depth of her lies and betrayal. It helped me lose 20lbs in about a month. And I am sure a few more grey hairs.
So from the time I moved out til the official sale of the house I was giving her $2000 a month for the expenses and the kids. Plus her pay. I lived off of $800. That took care of $450 rent. $100 gas. $150 food. Blah,Blah,Blah. She on the other hand managed to rack up all the credit cards and spent $10.5K in two months. And she wasn't paying any bills on time or would send them half. This in turn damaged my credit so bad the bank won't even give me a $500 credit card even though I have now $18K in the same damn bank.
During this time she got my permission to take the kids to Waterloo Ontario to live with the love of her life #3. This was a tough decision for me. But the facts are I don't have family here. They are in Ontario. She would have his family there to help out.The cost of living and public school system is great there. And it's a really nice part of Ontario. I get them for a couple times a year for a weeks stay.
We are now divorced. Or as close as it can be. Just need to have the judge rubber stamp the thing.
That's the whole truth. And was very hard to admit to you the reader. But this is supposed to be therapy and we (you and me) are supposed to open this up for discussion so everyone can learn from this and carry on with life.
I hope this was interesting and helped someone out there that they are not alone.
Ciao for now.
So it was last year in January when my ex was working full time as a manager at a local restaurant. She helped open it shortly before and I expected some weird hours.Well there was that indeed and a lot of working at the computer at home and texting going on. I didn't pay much attention to this as I was getting up for work at 4 am and then taking care of the kids when I got home at noon. That's when she would go to work. And then I would put the kids down around 7:30pm. Yup long days.
One day my ex comes home and says she talked to her boss and requested to go to part time without discussing this with me or how that would effect the home income. Yup she did. And later to find out this was to accommodate some cheating hours which she would lie and say she was running errands.
Then the opportunity to do a business trip to Barbados for a week came up and I had to go. And this was in first part of April. And without any argument from her. And no that wouldn't leave her with the kids all that time. A few years previous I agreed to let her ,out of work and money and no ambition to get either, mother move into the basement for free. Yes I'm bitter about that one.
So during that time I was away I later found out she spent a large amount of time with the man, who I was to later find out, was the love of her life. So let's get a good look at this guy. He is a pasty white skinned guy around the same age as me with red hair and glasses. Skinny build and cheesy mustache. Like he is just growing it for the first time. His likes are BBW's, S&M, BDSM, TV/TG/GM, and 27/7 domination. He also likes large rubbery cylindrical ribbed objects inserted in his bottom area while being dominated. Or having it done the old fashioned way by a man while she watched. That's real sharing. If any of these terms are confusing they can be found by just googling the terms. And as for the description of the guy well I got a good look at him in the masturbation video he sent to her. But I am getting ahead of the story.
When I returned she sat me down and said to me that we should take some time alone and live separately and work on our relationship. Cowardly way to say that she has no intention of working on anything and I need to get my crap out and go away.
So I found a place to live for the short term so we can work on us and get to know who we are as individuals, blah, blah,blah, lie ,lie, lie. During this time I had taken the kids every second weekend and on Wednesdays for supper. Plus phone calls and everything.
During one of my visits I had to get a file from the lap top at home. TA DA. The MSN account was open and the email was there. I didn't think of fishing through it until I saw the title of one email called Yes Mistress Kazza. Yup I just said Mistress. That's when I started to fish through the computer to find that she put an ad in Kijiji as a single mother of two looking for fun in January of that year. Then as I went through I found all the emails of men who responded and the pics she sent them. Non nude and then when she warmed up to them they were nude shots. Then the string of emails from this sub who was into objects or persons entering his exit. This included pictures,videos,and letters explaining what the "little bitch" was supposed to do that weekend or he would get s whipping. BTW these are all factual as I still have all the emails, pictures, and videos they sent to each other just in case I might need it later as proof in court.
So this continued for a few months and a trip out to the coast to see him. Which she told me was to see her sister. Then she moved on I later found out to the love of her life #2. Who was just into screwing her and not be seen in public with her. Probably for fear of his wife catching him. Which I heard actually did happen.
Then move into late August and into September. We had been talking about reconciliation and so I decided to take her on a date to the Zoo gala. Great night with a fabulous array of booths for all the taste buds. We had a good time and went home. When we got there she took the dog for a walk while I checked on the kids. When I came down stairs her cell buzzed and lit up as I walked past it. There was a text. From a guy. So I investigated. Earlier in the evening she went to the bathroom and texted Love #2 and asked him "are you horny". And there is where the texting started for that night. I proceeded to drop the phone and walk out. I got into my car and drove off to the place where i was staying. She texted me and joked if I was taking the garbage for a drive(I didn't get the joke either). That's when I texted back "You know what you did". That was the end of the conversation for that evening.
From there on out it had been a constant battle not to do anything physical to her because of the depth of her lies and betrayal. It helped me lose 20lbs in about a month. And I am sure a few more grey hairs.
So from the time I moved out til the official sale of the house I was giving her $2000 a month for the expenses and the kids. Plus her pay. I lived off of $800. That took care of $450 rent. $100 gas. $150 food. Blah,Blah,Blah. She on the other hand managed to rack up all the credit cards and spent $10.5K in two months. And she wasn't paying any bills on time or would send them half. This in turn damaged my credit so bad the bank won't even give me a $500 credit card even though I have now $18K in the same damn bank.
During this time she got my permission to take the kids to Waterloo Ontario to live with the love of her life #3. This was a tough decision for me. But the facts are I don't have family here. They are in Ontario. She would have his family there to help out.The cost of living and public school system is great there. And it's a really nice part of Ontario. I get them for a couple times a year for a weeks stay.
We are now divorced. Or as close as it can be. Just need to have the judge rubber stamp the thing.
That's the whole truth. And was very hard to admit to you the reader. But this is supposed to be therapy and we (you and me) are supposed to open this up for discussion so everyone can learn from this and carry on with life.
I hope this was interesting and helped someone out there that they are not alone.
Ciao for now.
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