Old Flame

Lets talk about someone in the past. I mean really long time ago. So long I am embarrassed to say. Well maybe like fifteen years. Yeah that's about right.

She was a beautiful redhead who was recently divorced and had some kids from the jackass she split from. She had spunk and fire. And was very sensuous.

That was my first foray at seeing a divorced woman. Pretty cool.We had a lot of fun and cared about each other deeply. And then I was gone. Yup I left to pursue a job out in Banff, working in the kitchen of the Banff Springs hotel.

That never sat great with me that I had to go. I always felt trapped in the little town I was living in. Watching other people trapped in the same town and rotting on the local bar stool wallowing away in their own urine stained clothes talking about what they did in their younger days. And that was just the twenty year olds. Yes the infamous trap of a little town that feels all warm and comfy because you know everyone and know everyone. At the same time they all knew you and your business too. But when in that trap you don't even notice the time slipping away and suddenly it's been two years since you have graduated college and you still aren't working in the field of study you took.

So frustrated I made a tough decision and left. Right or wrong I had to get the heck out and see what was in the rest of the world.

Then this little program that you might have heard of called Facebook comes around and all of a sudden everyone who I knew and barely remember are making friend requests. Accept,accept,accept. All of a sudden I have a ton of friends on this little interweb community. And then the day came that "she" found me. Do you remember when someone from your past tries to get to be your friend and you have some doubt because you don't know why they want to be your friend.

It turned out to be ok and we both grew from that time. Her kids all grew up and now I feel old because when I knew them they were just little. But that is a part of growing up I guess.

But what I didn't realize would happen is the old protective feelings towards her. Wanting to take care of her and be there for her to talk to when she is having a bad day. I guess you never really lose that feeling for the ones you cared for and that would be a shame if it did disappear.

So now communication with her is infrequent but there all the same. And we both probe into each others personal life. Making suggestions and feeling for each other when things are bad.

This leaves me at where I am right now. With her being in a great place with a full life. And she looks in on me from time to time.

So what would you have done? Stay because your comfortable in your small little town. Or Leave because you realize it's slowly strangling you to death? Dramatic I know but you get the picture.

Ciao for now.

The Truth

I guess this is the right time to explain why I am doing this blog stuff. Well I don't really know.

I felt it was time to get all this crap that has happened in my life in the past year out for therapy sake. Yup therapy. I had been calling this guy in Winnipeg for sessions for a while now and he said if I wrote this all down I would feel better or could understand what happened and come to some kind of terms with it.

It seemed kinda cheesy at the time and being the manly guy I am, thought it was a waste of time and energy.

Then a friend of mine said he was blogging and loved it. I immediately didn't believe him either. But he was a friend and this did seem to be similar to what the doctor ordered. And I guess if there is feedback in what I am writing I guess it could help that person too.

Opening a dialogue about the past events, I guess is the key to helping myself. So blogging it is for now until I am told that my writing truly makes people physically sick to their stomachs. As I said before my writing is not going to be in the annals of great Canadian literature. although I would like to take that Margret Atwood down a peg or two. Could you imagine if there were literary awards for blogging. And the room falls silent an the spotlight illuminates the overstated podium where a man with a handlebar moustache and balding head with the faint stench of mothballs approaches with a single white envelope.

"And the Literary award for best blogging nominees are....Pierre Burton, Charlie Farquarson, Cameraguyrob, and Margret Atwood. And the winner is........Cameraguyrob" And the audience falls silent and a collective gasp can be heard and a single pop of bubblegum thunders through the auditorium.

That would be awesome. I'm sure she would send out her minions of man hating fans to Tanya Harding my ass. Or just follow me around and observe me from afar until I am driven crazy enough to hand deliver the award to Margret and apologize for any inkling of a thought that a man could ever live up to the greatness of the suppressed, feminist, literary genius that is Atwood.

A bit too far? I guess it is. But her and her kind still give me the willies. crazy right turn in the writing is over now.

For now this is gonna be my therapy and your thoughts or suggestions are welcome as long as you know I realize I ramble and stumble through this process.

So for now that's it and you now have an understanding why this has come about.

Ciao for now.