Ok so now your single and looking to see what other options are out there for you. You do the Plenty of Fish thing. Maybe E Harmony or maybe even try to connect to the alternative lifestyles of Fetlife.com.
But what is the first thing that runs through your head as soon as you meet that person?
Hey he/she has a nice ass? They are so pretty? Am I attractive enough for them? Can I do better than this?
No I think the first thing you think about after a relationship/divorce is very primal and simple.
Is this person in any way shape or form like my ex? I will drive this car straight into a wall if they remind me of him/her.
Well welcome to your nightmare.
Finding similarities in people that you date with that of your ex is gonna happen and you have to learn to accept that. And as long as it isn't anything like bodily harm (unless asked for...wink wink) the little things shouldn't matter.
Then there is the extreme. The major things that made the relationship collapse in the first place need to be closely looked at and determined if they will blow up in your face again.
Here is an example. If your at his/her place and you see a stack of unopened mail. That's an indication that person may have some issues with paying bills.
If they have a fridge or bathroom that is filthy then maybe we have some issues that may require penicillin. Which means be very careful health wise with this person. Ya don't want bedbugs in your rug. Ya got the message?
Is there an unwillingness from them to pay once in a while for things you do? That may be an indication of being cheap and not feeling that your not worth paying for dinner/movie or some other things.
I guess I could go on but you get the point.
So what do ya do? Just suck it up. People will be the same and you will find traits that are similar from your ex. That's human nature.
Just try to avoid stabbing them with an ice pick in the soft part of their skull right on the top and stirring it like your whisking an omlette when you find those traits.
Ciao for now.
We all face the demons of past relationships. What we need to do is determine what we can not live without rather that what we are willing to live with. I agree on the mail and the clean house...believe me...I've seen some disgusting bathrooms!
ReplyDeleteGreat post.
I spent many years double thinking myself when it came to men, who to date, who not to. As I got older I became less of a pessimist and more of an optimist so I made a list of the good things about the boyfriends that didn't stick around, and there were some. That's what I looked for. I refused to be the kind of person that turned down a guy because they may be similar to an ex that treated me badly. You remember Sean? He didn't treat me great but not badly but he made me laugh. I tend to gravitate towards men with his sense of humor etc. I'm not saying your divorce and my highschool relationship are in any way the same, I just used him as an example because you likely remember him.
ReplyDeleteI had to stop myself from constantly waiting for a boyfriend to show bad mannerisms because eventually we can all pick apart anyone if we look close enough.
It's a matter of trust. Only we can make ourselves happy and if we are always looking for the bad in people then it's us that lose....
Hope that makes sense?
Yes Jennifer that does make sense. And these are just examples of what to look for if these little matters got under your skin and may damage what could be a good relationship.
ReplyDeleteThis post made me laugh! I found a cute guy online and had his picture pulled up. My son walks into the room and says, "That's a good picture of Daddy." Um..... delete!
ReplyDelete