Hey Y'all! I'm back (stop groaning!) As you may recall, Senor Robert is away soaking up some sun and love with his mini people and he asked me to write for him twice this week...aren't you lucky (STFU!)!
So, my first post was a bit more serious than I write...if you haven't checked my blog...you can do that right here. I write a lot about being a mom...and what a fuck up I can be...and what an amazing mom I can be...I also write a lot about Sex..yes, SEX...I SAID SEX! You see...if you have taken even a stroll through blogging, you know that many of us have no edit button on our blogs and we basically say what we want, when we want. Read it or don't...it's up to you...but what I have found is that A LOT of us talk about SEX!
Rob asked me to write about bringing some "buzz" into the bedroom. Even though people have come a very long way in their sexuality...toys in the bedroom are still very much a taboo subject in many relationships. Which...I have to be honest...totally amazes me. Why oh why would you opt to NOT have an orgasm???? I'm not saying that you NEED a toy for orgasm...but I am saying it makes it a HELL OF A LOT EASIER!!!
Ladies, I have to let you in on a very dark, very guarded secret...Men/Boys can not read minds! I know! GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!! It's TRUE! Men, back me up on this one! I have yet to meet anyone...especially a woman who wakes up one day and says to herself "if I have a crappy sex life for the rest of my life, I'm okay with that." I've never ever ever ever ever heard that...ever!
Women want an amazing sex life! They want to be desired and desireable. Women want to be a vixen and a vamp...it just isn't the same for everyone. What is vixen to one is outrageous to another. What is vamp to one is total slut to another. We don't all live the same, why do we think we have to fuck the same?
So, here I am...your favorite slutty mom...to share some secrets about the bedroom with you and why you NEED to have a toy in the bedroom!
1. Every good girl has three things in her nightstand. A. Bullet B. Water based Lubricant and C. Toy Cleanser.
2. A bullet virtually GUARANTEE'S ORGASM! Yes, I said it...guarantee!!! It provides the right buzz, sensation, accuracy and touch that a woman needs for that orgasm. Many women can not have an orgasm with straight penis in vagina sex...it's true! Some huge statistic like 95% or something like that...WOW!!! Does this mean that 95% of women DON'T have an orgasm when they have sex...probably not. Most of us have a partner that is somewhat connected with us and wants us to have an orgasm. They want us to moan and grasp onto them and call out their name...am I right guys?????
3. Guys wanna feel like a hero in bed and a vibrator, when used with a partner...makes him not only a hero...but a KING among men! I am not shitting you! I work with an airline and deal with guys on the ramp all the time...and let me tell you...the stories they swap *cough* are eye opening! The high five's I see going around from guy to guy when he tells the group that he is the "multiple man" and yes, they say that! The guys who say they have given their woman a multiple orgasm...the other guys look at them with a mix of "I call bullshit" and "You are a GOD!" Bullets, vibrators, cock rings...they all give him the opportunity to be that guy! Ladies...MULTIPLE ORGASMS!!!! I'll say it again...MUL TIP LE OR GAS MSSSSSS!!!! Not just one...maybe two or three...or four, five, six...the possibilities are endless!!!!!
4. Having a toy in the bedroom opens up a whole new channel of communication! Everything from..."I like it when you do that..." to those conversations that may require a glass or two of wine..."I wanna watch you use the toy..." It can go from mild to wild...nice to naughty...clean to dirty...it is totally up to you. Remember I said that is wild to one is mild to the next. You can be as nice or as naughty in the bedroom as you wanna be!
5. You should...nay you MUST laugh in the bedroom! If you aren't laughing in the bedroom, you are aren't laughing many places in your life...I guarantee that! If you haven't burst out laughing with your feet over his shoulders, rear end in the air and the most...erm...uh...unromantic noises escaping from you...you really haven't lived! Laugh...Laugh OUT LOUD in the bedroom. A toy offers up so much comic relief!!! Trust me on this one...when you are chasing batteries across the floor, pushing buttons to get the thing to turn on and off, figuring out where you actually insert the damn thing...you are laughing! Laughing releases endorphins...and endorphins make us feel good, they make us feel sexy and they make us more open to new things on our life!
I want all y'all to have fun in the bedroom! I want all you men to feel like hero's and I want all you ladies to have your eyes rolling back in your heads! I want the planet to erupt in a chorus of moans! You can shop for your favorite toy on my website and just for you CameraGuyRob fans...Imma give you a special treat...chose your favorite toy and get 40% off your highest priced item! Just enter code cameraguyrob in the discount section and I'll revise your total and send you a new total. You can chose a Cadillac vibrator and save almost half off...or you can chose the ever popular bullet and have those toe curling, eye ball popping orgasms! Shop on my website www.calgarypassion.com and spice up that sex life!
Thanks for reading and y'all better tell me how you get down and dirty! I am always looking for new tips and suggestions!
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